I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
