All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
you never un-have a 4some
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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