You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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