So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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