i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
