I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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