Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
