my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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