hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
