i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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