I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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