Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
