I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Still dying that you shit outside
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
