Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
