I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
