filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
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