i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
