My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
