I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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