I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Randomize
