After last night, I could never be a politician.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
