He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
