Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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