Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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