Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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