fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
