What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
