I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
