the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
