I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize