You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
