Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
