Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
