I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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