I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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