Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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