i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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