I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
