someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
