cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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