Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
