Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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