Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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