I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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