I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
