So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
