It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
What drink are we having for lunch?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
