life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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