just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
