i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
