i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
