The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
