a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
