I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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