yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
