no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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