It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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