just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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