We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
