I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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