marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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