Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Operation Purity has been aborted
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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