We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
