you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Shitshow foam night was such a success
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
