Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize