I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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