I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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