I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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