this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
ttyl tear gas
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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