I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
