she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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