she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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